The Worst Mistake I've Ever Made
by Kadreia
Summary: John's POV - Title is the description.


This is the story of the worst mistake I have ever made.

Sherlock had been gone for two and one-half years now. It was torcher to live without him. I was never woken up with an explosion or to the violin, nor have I felt such comfort as I did when he was here. I had woken up every morning crying, for my best friend was gone, and I missed him so. I had been so depressed I resigned from my job and rarely went outside or talked to anyone. I was a mess and did not care. I had gone two and one-half years all alone. I went weeks without seeing or speaking to a single soul. I believe I was beginning to go crazy. No, I know I was beginning to loose my mind, and, again, I didn't care. I pleaded with God to send my dear friend back. I pleaded. I begged. I begged until my throat was coarse, but to no avail. I had lost fifty pounds from never eating. Mrs. Hudson, bless the saint sent from heaven above, ordered me to eat, and only until she broke down crying from worry and frustration did I give in. My blog was still on the Internet, but I never did anything on it. I never checked it, updated anything, or even think about it. It hurt too much to see anything associated with Sherlock, yet I kept everything in the flat the way it was. I deduced that my hurt mind wanted to be in pain. I just didn't want to let go. So I didn't.

(Oh, look I even sound like him. Using the word 'deduce' while telling my story.)

I loved that man too much to let go, too much to live without him. I've spent too long mourning. Time to get things back to normal, right? Wrong. I had lost the man I loved two and one-half years ago, and that tonight was the night I would see him again. That night was the night I would finally be able to put my arms around him. That night was the night I would be happy.

I loved everyone there so much. I would miss them. I was sorry for what I was going to do, but I was really no use to them anyway. Mrs. Hudson would find other renters. Harry would be okay. Lestrade would know why I did it. And everyone else they would figure it out by themselves, besides I had been close enough to dead for the past two and one-half years it would be like nothing had changed.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the pill that would send me to Sherlock. Send me home. I popped it in my mouth. I was surprisingly calm for shoving something in my mouth that would kill me. No, not kill me. Send me to Sherlock, but yes to accomplish that it would have to kill me first. I swallowed. It would take about ten minutes to take affect, and then I could see Sherlock, but not even five minutes later the flat door opened. There stood Sherlock with a small grin on his face.

"John, I'm back!"

I looked at him shocked. He just stared at me, then his eyes found the fear in mine.

"John, what did you do?"

I couldn't speak the drug had started to take affect. I was going to die and Sherlock wasn't going to be on the other side waiting for me, because he was here, healthy and alive. He walked over to me and cradled me in his arms.

"John, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you."

God, I loved that man. I could still move my arm and hand well enough to grab the back of his neck and pull him down for a kiss. He kissed back. His cheeks were wet with tears. When we pulled apart he just looked at me with those magnificent green eyes.

"I love you so much." He said between soft sobs. I gave him a small smile, squeezed his hand with mine, and then drew my last breath in this world. I was heading somewhere with no Sherlock. I would be in the same torcher I was here. I was at peace, though. The last thing I felt was the warmth of Sherlock's body. The last thing I heard was Sherlock's voice. The last thing I saw was Sherlock. The last thing I smelled was Sherlock's natural scent. The last thing I tasted was Sherlock's lips. I was happier than I could have ever imagined during my last few minutes on this earth.

This was the story of the worst mistake I had ever made. Not killing myself. No that was a mistake, but no the worst. The worst mistake I ever made was that I did not trust Sherlock Holmes to be there when he was needed.

** -JW **


End file.
